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Parenting Tips
All information is taken from Parenting
To Build Character In Your Teen, Josephson, Michael S., Peter,
Val J., Dowd, Tom
Every day our teenagers make
dozens of choices that affect their lives and the lives of others.
Young people often feel a sense of powerlessness from both outside
controls and inner emotions. Most teens struggle to deal with new
emotions and impulses that are intensified by hormonal and other
physical changes. In addition, the intensity of the feelings and
lack of experience make teens more apt to indulge, rather than deny,
their desires and appetites. Consequently, they often act and react
impulsively as if they had no choice. We should teach teens that
they may not have the power to do everything they want to do, but
they still have the power to decide what to do with what they have.
And that is enough power.
We must teach our young people:
-
Whether or not they realize it at the
time, all their words and actions, even their attitudes reflect
choices
-
We all have the power to decide what we
say and how we say it
-
We are morally responsible for the
consequences of our choices
-
Even though they may not like the
alternatives, they still have choices and the responsibility to
make them wisely and ethically
-
All decisions affect them and others and
good decisions take into account the possible consequences of
words and actions on all stakeholders of that decisions
-
Stop long enough to prevent thoughtless
behavior with a forced moment of reflection
-
Before choosing, clarify what he/she wants
to accomplish both now and in the future; determine which goal
is the most important
-
Make sure he/she has enough information to
support an intelligent choice; we can’t make good decisions if
we don’t know the facts.
-
Consider the reliability and credibility
of the people who are giving you facts
-
Consider the basis of the supposed facts
-
Remember that assumptions, gossip, and
hearsay are not the same as facts
-
Consider all perspectives
-
Where possible, seek out the opinions of
people whose judgment and character you respect
-
Develop options
-
Consider all consequences
7-Step Decision-Making Process
1.
Stop and Think
2.
Clarify Goals
3.
Determine Facts
4.
Develop Options
5.
Consider Consequences
6.
Choose
7.
Monitor and Modify
In teaching our children how to be a
productive member of our society and to live a fulfilling and happy
life, character is a very important factor in their upbringing. We
can consider six important aspects of character to ensure success.
1)
Trustworthiness
·
Be honest; don’t deceive, cheat, or steal
·
Be reliable - do what you say you’ll do
·
Have the courage to do the right thing
·
Build a good reputation
·
Be loyal – stand by your family, friends, and country
2)
Respect
·
Treat others with respect; follow the Golden Rule
·
Be tolerant of differences
·
Use good manners, not bad language
·
Be considerate of the feelings of others
·
Don’t threaten, hit, or hurt anyone
·
Deal peacefully with anger, insults, and disagreements
3)
Responsibility
·
Do what your suppose to do
·
Always do your best
·
Use self-control
·
Be self-disciplined
·
Think before you act- consider the consequences
·
Be accountable for your choices
4)
Fairness
·
Play by the rules
·
Be open-minded; listen to others
·
Don’t take advantage of others
·
Don’t blame others carelessly
5)
Caring
·
Be kind
·
Be compassionate and show you care
·
Express gratitude
·
Forgive others
·
Help people in need
6)
Citizenship
·
Do your share to make your school and community better
·
Cooperate
·
Stay informed; vote
·
Be a good neighbor
·
Obey laws and rules
·
Respect authority
·
Protect the environment
Showing your kids that you care about them is
an important part of being a parent. Focusing on the things your
kids do well, or the efforts they make to improve, is a great way to
show your kids that you care about them and provides vital emotional
nourishment during the turbulent teen years.
o
Show your approval
o
Describe the positive behavior
Make sure they know understand what they
did well so they’ll be able to repeat the behavior in the future
o
Give a reason
Teenagers benefit from knowing why a
behavior is helpful to them or others, and helps them understand the
relationship between their behavior and what happens to them
o
Praise small accomplishments as well as large ones
o
Be sure to tie praise to specific behavior
o
Give rewards occasionally
Talk to your kids, not at
them
v
Be tuned in
v
Listen to what they say to get information about what
they’re thinking feeling
v
Look for connections between things they tell you at
different times to track how their thinking is progressing
v
Pay attention to the nonverbal messages (silent,
moody, ask what is going on)
v
Listen to what your kids say about their friends or
acquaintances
v
Be tuned in to their friends (who they are, where they
live, what interests them, get to know their families)
v
Know where your kids go and with whom
v
Know your kid’s interest
v
Be available; it’s not necessarily what you do with
your kids that mattes as the time that is spent with them
Parenting Websites
Teen Help
- Lizweb
This web page was started by a teen who wants to help others. There
are connections here for teens with serious problems. Teens who are
pregnant, have run away, are addicted to drugs and alcohol, are
depressed or thinking about suicide, have been abused, have an
eating disorder, or have serious illnesses or disabilities can find
help here. Here teens also have a place to share their opinions and
their personal stories.
http://www.mindspring.com/~ashe/
The Labor
of Love
The Labor of Love is a pregnancy and parenting community where
parents and parents-to-be can access Internet parenting resources
and meet each other to share ideas and advice. Features include a
pregnancy and parenting search engine with over 1600 links to useful
information; a searchable pen pal database with over 500 listings;
and a searchable collection of over 160 birth stories from women
around the world. Parents can publish their writings in an online
prose and poetry forum, post to over 50 message boards, or show off
their children in the monthly photo contest. Family Room Online
Magazine is written by parent writers, and has tips and hints for
parents; there is also a section with week-by-week pregnancy
journals, and a bookstore.
http://www.thelaboroflove.com
The
WholeFamily Center
This interactive site, geared to "everyone in every family," tackles
sensitive issues such as infertility, anorexia, divorce, and teen
suicide with honesty and common sense. Its marriage, parenting, and
kid/teen centers use family drama (in RealAudio or text with photos)
to portray common family problems. Users are invited to contribute
opinions; each drama concludes with commentary from a psychologist.
An online magazine, The Fishbowl, has stories, poems and articles
written by parents, kids and professionals. An advice column, "Liz
Tells All", gives straightforward feedback, emphasizing traditional
values. Users can contribute to an ongoing soap opera about a
"blended" family. The website also refers families to professional
services such as counseling and parenting classes.
http://www.wholefamily.com
Convomania
Convomania is a place for seriously ill and disabled children on the
Internet, a hangout for kids who may be socially isolated because of
illness or disability. Here the kids can make friends with kids in
similar life situations. "Convomaniacs" are seeking straight talk
about tough issues, and not necessarily from doctors or parents.
Here kids can get advice and encouragement from each other. The chat
room has monitored chats scheduled throughout the day. Kids can also
sign up for Maniax, an email discussion group. A yearbook displays
pictures and bios of the most active participants, so everyone can
get to know each other. There's a message board with some
interesting discussions. A virtual exhibit hall displays thematic
drawings by kids. There are other areas, too, with more fun and
surprises.
http://www.mania.apple.com/
Another Empty Bottle
Current studies show that about 1 in 10 people in the United States
suffers from a drinking problem. That means that most of us know an
alcoholic. It could be a family member, a friend, or co-worker. The
"Empty Bottle" symbolizes how emptiness and hopelessness can enter
someone's life when a loved one suffers from alcoholism. Another
Empty Bottle is a site for the friends and families of alcoholics to
share their common experiences. It includes links, information, help
groups, hotlines and stories related to alcoholism. All
correspondence is confidential.
http://members.aol.com/emptybttle
Family.com
How should a parent handle back talk? Do the new report cards
encourage kids to learn? What are the best values in software for
your home computer? These are some of the subjects covered in
Disney's Family.com, a website with many resources for families,
with or without children. There are intelligent and timely articles
on parenting, relationships, fun and games for kids, education,
family computing, food, and vacations. More than 100 parenting
publications from North America are linked here; type in your state
or province and you can access publications with local activities
for kids. You can also tap into thousands of in-depth feature
articles by selecting a topic and age group. Another useful feature
is a recipe database that will print out a shopping list of
ingredients for your chosen recipe. Visitors can also meet and
exchange ideas in the community forum or chat area, and post
messages on the bulletin board.
http://www.family.com
Teen
Court
Teen Court is a program for misdemeanor youthful offenders who have
no prior court record, but who admit to guilt and voluntarily agree
to participate. Specially trained teenage volunteers fulfill the
roles of prosecuting and defense attorneys, clerks, bailiffs, and
jurors; an adult judge supervises. Teen Court does not rule on guilt
or innocence of the defendants, but determines sentences. Volunteers
sometimes include previously sentenced defendants. Defendants who
cooperate have a chance to clear their permanent records by
performing community service and other duties. Teen Court alleviates
the strain on the regular court system, gives offenders a second
chance, and gives youths a chance to p articipate in the judicial
process. It also promotes better communication between schools,
defendants, parents, the community, the court, and the police. Over
200 communities using Teen Court report 90 percent or more of
defendants who complete their sentences are never re-arrested.
Communities wishing to start their own Teen Courts will find a
Procedures Manual, Bylaws, and the necessary legal forms on this web
page. Mock trials are given for teens to enact so they can learn how
to participate in the court. There are also RealAudio interviews,
statistics on juvenile crime, and useful Internet links.
http://tqd.advanced.org/2640
Interesting Places for Parents
This is a list of links for parents. There are pointers to
educational resources, children's software, and pages of interest to
parents and teachers. Some of the parenting highlights: The National
Parenting Center magazine, misc.kids.computer, children's shareware,
resources for children's writers, Movie Mom's Guide to Encouraging
Kids to Love Classic Movies, US Space Camp, National Center for
Missing and Exploited Children, mailing lists and IRC, and special
links for dads, adoptive parents, and parents who have lost a child.
This website will help parents find children's books, videos, and
CD-ROMs. Sites of interest to teachers include NASA educational
resources, school publishers, classroom activities, National Public
Radio, suggested reading lists for kids, US Department of Education,
college sources, EncyclopŠdia Britannica, and Urban Education Web.
Other interesting subjects here are how to set up a Web server at
school; HTML tutorial for kids and parents; educational uses of the
Internet; how to control your kids' access to the Internet using
free software; child safety at home, school, and on the Information
Highway; and how to get your kids onto the Net. There is also a
section on Internet safety and censorship.
http://www.crc.ricoh.com/people/steve/parents.html
The
Cartoon Corner
The Cartoon Corner is a safe and fun place for kids of all ages to
play games, solve puzzles, read stories and comics, learn to draw
cartoons, and laugh at jokes and wacky weather forecasts. This
website contains over 500 interactive pages with more than 1,000
illustrations by cartoonist Emmett Scott. There are artist lessons
and drawing tricks, and a funny pages section where kids can read
comics and try writing their own comic strips or punchlines.
Children can have hours of fun with the creative play and craft
ideas. There are one-minute stories, longer stories, and poems to
enjoy. The brain-challenging riddles and puzzles give inquisitive
kids a chance to test their powers of memory and observation, and
their skill with words, logic, and solving mysteries. The site also
includes Internet safety tips for parents and children.
http://www.cartooncorner.com
National
Fatherhood Initiative
"Every man needs to know that however high his aspirations may be,
however lofty a position he may attain, he will never have a greater
duty or a more important title than 'dad'." This quote from George
W. Bush appears on the opening web page of the National Fatherhood
Initiative's site. The NFI aims to stimulate a society-wide movement
to confront the growing problem of father absence, and is dedicated
to improving the well-being of children by increasing the number of
children growing up with involved, committed and responsible fathers
in their lives. A non-profit, non-sectarian, non-partisan
organization, the NFI conducts public awareness campaigns promoting
responsible fatherhood; organizes conferences and forums; provides
resource materials; publishes a quarterly newsletter; conducts
research on fatherhood; disseminates information to men who want to
become more effective fathers. Visitors to his site can find
conferences and events on fatherhood; read articles with parenting
advice, and the Fatherhood Today Newsletter; meet and interact with
others who have similar interests; and read special reports such as
the Fatherhood and TV Report.
http://www.fatherhood.org/
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